15 March 2017
‘Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something’
This post was not planned. Or, I would rather say it was planned to not appear here. The privacy of my family has always been important to me but I feel that I would like to share some things with you here.
Many times we hear the expression that it’s easy to be happy when all goes well. Let’s remember though, that things are not always what they seem to be. Many of our friends consider us to be very positive people, and indeed we are. Obviously, it wasn’t always this way and we do happen to have bad days but we are aware of them and we work hard to make them better. Our life looks a bit different than life of the majority of people, not only because of our positive attitude but rather because of a circumstance which caused that we began to search for the way to the happiness of our family.
Let me tell you my story.
I am young (that’s how I feel when my back doesn’t hurt, lol), ordinary girl with big dreams. Big enough, to scare me.
I was born in Poland. Beautiful country with wonderful traditions and landscapes. When finished my school, I decided to move to Great Britain, to be close to the love of my life, who shortly became my husband, who is my soul mate, and the best person I have ever met. We are proud parents of two lovely daughters. My husband works and I’m a housewife and mother to our children. It wasn’t easy. We have struggled with all the problems that may have a young family in a foreign country, alone with young children without family support.
When the opportunity came to go to work I was over the moon. My mum and my mother-in-law were going to look after my 3 and 1.5 years old girls. I was happy because I knew I leave them in good hands. On the 15th of October 2009 I was on my way to work for the first time when I received a phone call from my mother-in-law. My daughter had fainted on the road, they called an ambulance. Our drive back seemed to take ages. Hundred of thoughts ran through our minds: she had fainted? Why? Everything seemed to be fine so far??
We got there before the ambulance. She was laying on a bench on the side, pale, unconscious … my little girl… There was one member of the small ambulance with her. She was unconscious since an hour and still couldn’t regain consciousness. I was frightened and did not understand what was going on.
Rest of the happening I remember vaguely. The trip to the hospital, fighting for her life… Adrenaline flooded my system..
I remember only the doctor saying: it was probably an epilepsy attack. It lasted 1.5 hours …
I was devastated.
In the front of all that people cried out my emotions that have accumulated in my body.
Epilepsy!!?? Why? How? Where did if came from? My child?! I hate hospitals! I’m even affraid of a sewing needle! Me? I can’t cope with it!!!
If I only could tell that crying girl that: ‘it happened to you because you CAN handle it’,
I would have saved her certainly many tears and sleepless nights and countless hours worrying about her own child.
Obviously, another attack was needed to make the diagnosis. No doctor diagnose a disease with a single attack. Many people, moreover, get epileptic seizure once in their lives as a result of some factor.
My daughter experienced more attacks. Diagnosis has been made and she started to take medication.The attacks were dangerous, long, life-threatening and required hospitalization. We had so many questions and even more fear.
The doctors didn’t know the cause of her epilepsy. No brain damage, good results.
She experienced life-threatening seizures. And one attack after another. Without break. Medications given in hospitals didn’t seem to work. The attacks lasted for hours and the recovery time in hospital was longer.
And the constant feel of a fear…
The ambulance used to take us from everywhere…. From our house, road, parties, park… and then there was no place in our town that didn’t remind us of her attacks…
The situation got worse and the doctors made a decision of changing her meds. This time 2 at one time… this means double side effects…
To explain why the attacks are so strong it was decided to do a DNA test and … that was it!
Test results: Mutation of chromosome.
The geneticists statement from Alder Hey hospital was shocking. „Your daughter is one of two children in the UK having this problem. There are less than 100 registered cases in the world”
At least we found out why…
Since then we had to learn to live with it.
One of the most dangerous attacks she have ever had helped us actually to understand one important thing. When after 3 hours of fighting, overdosing medications and after all the prayers was told, my child didn’t breathe on her own for 40 minutes and was manually supported by one of the doctors, I had realized with a tremendous pain that it is the end…
I am not able to describe the fear of a parent realizing that there is no more it can be done to save their child’s life. I was totally in pieces and then I have made a decision, that no matter what happen, we will stay happy.
Not because the situation is great, but because it can’t be worse.
On that New Years Eve my child came back to us and signs of her lungs working appeared on the monitor.
When she was slowly recovering I promised deep inside that I will not be afraid anymore.
We will travel, explore and enjoy the moments together. Because I don’t know when the day comes in which I will lose this opportunity.
That night, sitting by the hospital bed, I was grateful. I felt that in every part of my body. When the clock struck 12 o’clock and the hospital staff greeted the New Year I cried, but this time I was crying of happiness. I got the biggest, greatest and most precious gift from the Old Year.
I got another chance.
Time is the most precious thing I can give to my children. No one knows how long we’re going to live. We tend to worry of something that might never happen or we contemplate things from the past that no longer have any meaning in the present. The only thing we have and the only thing that matters is NOW. That New Year’s Eve’s night I learned the lesson.
I and my husband were looking for a solutions, ways to the happiness of us and our family. We found our passion to sport, meditation, travel and self-development. Healthy eating became our lifestyle.
The most important factor to stay positive was looking differently at our situation. The acceptance helped us to get back our happiness. Being aware of the opportunity to choose what we want gave us freedom that we desired.
We could choose to worry, cry and psychically break down but that was not the way we wanted to live. The illness of our child helped us to look at the world in a different way and it might seem weird to you but I am grateful for this experience. We ‘grew up’ and got to know each other, our feelings and our limits. We appreciate the small things in everyday life that create our happiness. We sing, dance, we are kind one to another and to others. We learned how to be humble.
Our battle is still on. My family is my biggest support in these moments. My husband who always stays with us and my younger daughter who bravely learns to share life with us. We also have close family in Poland. We are always in their thoughts, support us with a good word and give us support. There are also few people here where we live, who simply ask how are we, and who help us when we need it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! No matter if that were texts messages, when I stayed in hospital and I had nobody to talk to, or offering to help. All the acts of kindness comforted us that we are not alone.
This story isn’t something new for many people who know me personally.
If you know me but you didn’t know – welcome to my world. You may have realized why I am who I am.
If you are my blog follower I will be from now on more believable and my posts regarding positive thinking and self-development won’t seem empty.
If you are in a similar situation or you struggle with other problems in your life, remember that your attitude towards them is everything that you need to change your life.
All You Can Do Is All You Can Do
But All You Can Do Is Enough!
Translated by Violette
13 March 2017
Pamiętaj, że każdy napotkany człowiek czegoś się boi, coś kocha i coś stracił.
Ten post nie był planowany. A raczej był plan aby on nigdy się nie pojawił.
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